Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Luna Turns Into Cujo

Élé pops claws in order to catch the elusive pink ribbon.
Today I got some cat de-wormer medicine I ordered off the internet.  It's been a while since I've wormed them, so I figured they're due.  That, and they haven't had flea medication in a long time and I thought I might have seen evidence of worms, but I wasn't sure.

So I looked at the dosing and directions for application.  There were two ways recommended for feeding the kitties the worm paste.  One, I could squirt the goo directly into the kitties mouth.  That seemed a bit forceful, so I opted for the second one, squeeze the gooey mess onto a paw and let the kitty lick it up.

So I went over to Élé, who was lazing about in her favorite snooze spot.  I took her paw and squeezed the appropriate dose of light brown goo over her paw.  Instead of immediately licking it off, she jumped up and flicked her paw at me and bucked a couple of times like some sort of wild bronco, and then raced across the room, splattering worm paste all over herself and everything she ran past.  And while she looked like she had front row seats at a monster truck rally with dots of fresh mud covering her here and there, there was actually far less goop on her than there was over the rest of my room.

Okay, so that didn't work so well.

With Luna I figured I would opt for the technique I originally discounted as too forceful and mean.   Luna kitty was sitting on top of my dresser (the only place in the house where I can put the kitty food that the dog can't get to it and eat it).  I went over to her, made her open her cute little fanged mouth, and squeezed the de-wormer gunk in her mouth.  I expected her to swallow the stuff.  I did NOT expect the reaction I got.

Luna went into a giant shaggy wet Saint Bernard routine.  Only instead of her body doing the shaking, her head did.  With her mouth open.  De-worming medicine sprayed all over my dresser, the wall, me, and the cat.  This brown spray was made all the more impressive because as she did it, she jumped off the dresser.  So it also made it on the floor.

Apparently, this medicine causes instant saliva production, because within seconds she had a long stream of slightly foamy gooey worm medicine saliva dripping from her mouth.  Ever seen the movie Alien?  My cat reminded me of the alien when Ripley meets the alien face to face and that second jaw pops out and all that drippy saliva drops down low and gross.  Only Luna was a kitty alien with shit-colored drool.  Yep.  And my kitty made a bee-line for my bed, with an eight inch long medicine loogie hanging from her jaw.  I tried to catch her, but to no avail.  (Luna should try out for football.  She has some really great evasive maneuvers.  If she could catch a football, I'd be rich.)

I finally caught her, but not before she dragged her sickly looking spit all over my bed.  My bed looked like somebody had eaten a bad bean burrito from a gut truck and gotten sick all over it.  Yuck.

About an hour later, the kitties finally had the gunk cleaned up off themselves.  I doubt they got one quarter the medicine they were supposed to have.  I think in the future I'll just squirt some of the medicine in with their wet food.  Maybe they'll eat more of it then.  It won't be as entertaining, that's for sure, but at least I won't have such a big mess to clean up.