Saturday, July 23, 2011

Kitties--Rebuttal

I've had folks tell me that not all kitties do the things I wrote about in my last post.  They say that kitties are sweet and that some kitties --gasp-- are attention whores.  Some kitties like to be held and to get their bellies rubbed.  Some kitties like to play ball or are trainable like dogs.  Some kitties will actually play "fetch."

Now, I know I've seen these types of kitties, too.  But these kitties are the pariahs of the kitty world.  Other kitties marginally tolerate these mild-mannered kitties, but behind their backs, the gamer kitties gossip about them:

MR. TINKLES:  "Did you see Sparkles?  He let our pet human rub his belly for hours.  I kept waiting for him to attack our pet's hand, you know, as if he was lulling him into a false sense of security, but no!  He just keeps laying there, getting his belly rubbed like he's actually enjoying it.  There's something wrong with that cat."
LAFLEUR:  "Did he drool?"
MR. TINKLES:  "Yeah, it was coming down in streams."
LAFLEUR:  "Disgusting."
MR. TINKLES:  "I know!"
LAFLEUR:  "What a loser!"

And kitties that actually come when they are called and are trainable and chase a ball like a dog have already lost the kitty game.  They have demonstrated their complete inability to train and control their human properly, they have violated the rules of kitty decorum and they have dared to stoop to the level of a canine.  Their game points are wiped out, gone.  They may as well give up their feline membership cards and apply to be honorary puppies.