Sunday, June 26, 2011

When Willow Used to Be a Mermaid

Willow, back in 2007.  She still looks just as devious.  :)
I used to tell Willow when she was little that she was a mermaid because she was born underwater (I gave birth to her in our dining room in an aquadoula) and that she had an invisible tail. She was afraid of sharks but I told her that mermaids have nothing to worry about because if a shark gets too close, she can just bop him on the nose with her tail fin. 

Anyway, she became slightly obsessed with sharks. Any body of water, she had to know if there were sharks in it. The Willamette River gets fairly shallow in spots and we could be at one of those where we can see all the rocks and whatnot in the water, and yet she would ask me if there were sharks in the river. I would say, "Oh, sure." And she would ask me, "How big are they?" And I would say, "As big as Grampa's car." Which was completely impossible--one, it wasn't the ocean, and two, the river couldn't possibly have a giant-ass shark as big as a '67 Buick Skylark in it when the water only went up to my knees. And she would look around for the sharks and declare they better not come around her or she would whack them with her tail. It was hilarious. 

I did get my comeuppance, though. We were at a pool, and I was chasing her in the water and I had one elbow raised up out of the water to make my arm look like a fin and I was doing the dum-dum dum-dum Jaws theme music and she kicked me in the face. I asked her what she did that for, and she said that she was using her invisible tail to whack the shark in the nose. I couldn't get too mad. I admit it. I deserved that!

My Little Girl is Growing Up

Feb 18

Last night I was play-cuddling with Willow (play-cuddling=cuddling, tickling, boozles and wedgies and noogies and fun) and out of the blue she stops playing and says, "I'm gonna miss this." I say, "Miss what?" And she answers, "Play cuddling with you. When I get older and I don't do it anymore. I'll miss it."

Nearly broke my heart. I'm going to miss it, too. David was about 12 before he stopped holding my hand and doing other PDA's and play cuddling with me. Hopefully I still have a few more years left with Willow.

I think it is amazing, though, that she has the presence of mind to consider what things will be like when she gets older. She understands that some things change and that she won't always be doing the things she loves to do as a kid. She wants to grow up, but she also knows that there is a price to growing up. Makes me wanna cry...

Why Are Little Girls So GOOD at Guilt Trips?

Willow gave me a horribly guilty knife-in-the-heart moment earlier. I had been nagging her to get her room clean pretty much all night. Finally, a little after 9pm, she comes in and tells me it's after 9 so she needs to go to bed. I ask her if she had finally finished her room, and she said no. So I chew her out for dinking around yet again (this has been going on for a few days now), and I tell her she's grounded and that she should go to bed now. She gets this crushed look on her face.

Then she says, "You don't want to give me a kiss goodnight?" Insert knife in heart here. I melt, give her a hug and kiss and tell her I love her.

Then, she hands over this fuzzy red and pink thing to me. I look at it. It's a heart ornament made out of pipe cleaners. She says, "I made this for you." Now wiggle knife around, making sure to slice all four chambers of the heart.

I'm dying here...

Am I a Terrible Parent? Tales of the Tooth Fairy

You can see where a couple of the missing "moldars" are here.  :)
Jan 28
My daughter seems to be losing all her teeth at once. She lost two of her molars within two days of each other, and a third one was loose. The Tooth Fairy was late for the first tooth, so Willow put the tooth with the second one in a plastic zippy bag under her pillow. A few days later, the Tooth Fairy managed to catch up enough on her route to pick up the teeth and deposit some money in the bag.

As I’ve explained to Willow, the Tooth Fairy is an incredibly busy fairy, since there are sooo many kids in Portland who are all losing their teeth, probably at the same time as she is, so she just needs to be patient, the Tooth Fairy won’t forget her. So far, she never has. (I say she or he, but Willow insists the Tooth Fairy is a girl fairy, despite the fact that her grampa is a dental hygienist who insists the Tooth Fairy is a boy.)

Anyhow, Willow left a message for the Tooth Fairy when she left the two teeth. It read something like this: “Dear Tooth Fairy, My dad says that I should only eat soft food because I have another loose moldar and hard food could make it come out. Is he right?”  [She said "moldar."  Cute, innit?]  She didn’t believe her dad, so she had to appeal to the higher power.  Who better than the Tooth Fairy to know about  loose teeth?

So I, er, ahem, the Tooth Fairy left this for a response: “Dear Willow, Your daddy is probably right. Softer food will be less likely to make your tooth come out. Stay away from sticky chewy foods like taffy because they can pull your tooth out and you could swallow it.” Willow was ecstatic she received a response.

Cut to when she finally lost that moldar. The Tooth Fairy was characteristically late, because she was broke. Er, I mean, behind on her rounds. Anyhow, when the Tooth Fairy finally made it to Willow’s pillow, she couldn’t FIND the dang tooth because the room was such a mess. So the Tooth Fairy left the following note:

“Dear Willow. I stopped by to pick up your tooth, but I couldn’t find it because your room is so messy. I will try again another time. It is probably best you keep your room clean so that I can give you your reward for your tooth, when you can find it. Love, The Tooth Fairy.”

The tooth still hasn’t been found. Willow is, of course, disappointed.

Today, Willow had another tooth come out. I asked her tonight if she put the tooth under her pillow. She said yes. I asked her, “How late do you think the Tooth Fairy will be this time?”

Willow said, “Oh, about 20 days.” (!)

I said, “Well, remember what she said about your room being clean?”

Willow grimaced, and said, “Yeah. I’ll clean it tomorrow!”

I am soooo evil!

Whatchu Talkin' About Police Person?

Jan 28

Monday the 10th, somewhere around 9 or 10pm, I had this woman knock on my door. She told me that her mother (or was it grandmother?) lived in the building next door and they got locked out of the car and had to call a locksmith and it cost $75 and they didn’t have all of that and could she possibly borrow $15 to try to get into their car? She said the would go get the money to pay me back after the locksmith came out.

The woman looked familiar. I thought I had seen her with my neighbor across from me (who I don’t know well, but we have always been pleasant toward each other) and so I assumed she must be her daughter. I pulled out $15 and gave it to her, trying to be a good neighbor. She came back a few minutes later, said she was mistaken and they needed $4 more, could I help with that? Foolishly, I forked over the other $4.

Close to midnight, she comes back, and I’m thinking “Oh, good. She came to pay me back!” She asks me if I have change for a $50, which I didn’t because I gave her my last $19 already. She says she’ll have to go to the store to break it and she’ll be back.

I was a little irritated, because it was so late as it was. But I didn’t see her again that night. I didn’t see her the next day, either. So Wednesday evening, I go to my neighbor to inquire about her daughter.

“Who?”

Turns out, my neighbor, just an hour before, had some woman answering to the description of the woman who talked to me, came to HER door and gave her the same schpiel. Right down to the request for $15. Only my neighbor was savvy enough to say no.

Dammit.

I reeeaaallly thought this woman was my neighbor’s daughter. That’ll teach me to be so trusting.

So later I call the non-emergency line for the police. I left a message. That’s what you do. You leave a message and then a police officer calls you back and takes your report. An hour or so later, I’m talking to this nice police officer and she’s laughing about my predicament! Well, I gotta admit, it WAS funny, but still. And the kicker is, she said they can’t do anything about it. They don’t even do police reports on stuff like this!

Why? Because, and I quote, “She could have dressed up like Superman, and it wouldn’t have mattered. It isn’t illegal to ask someone for money.”

My mind is boggled. What about fraud? Conning people? You know! False pretense type stuff? Apparently there is some kind of distinction or line that the police can see but I can’t.

The moral of this lesson, kids, is that I should go door to door asking for money for the Police Widows and Orphans fund.

Hm. Wonder if they’d prosecute me if I tried that?

BTW–if you see a black woman in her late 30′s/early 40′s, wearing a bulky light colored coat and knit hat, and she comes to your door asking for money, DON’T GIVE IT TO HER!