Friday, July 15, 2011

How I Lost My Eyeglasses

Hamming it up in my glasses and fave boonie hat.
I love the second and fourth Thursdays of the month.  That is when I meet up with my much loved fiction writing group.  They are fantastic people.  So I was pretty excited about my meeting on the 13th, even though it was in Beaverton, which is waaay across town for me.  The trip is worth it.  I think I get more laughing done than writing stuff but both are therapeutic, so it’s all good.
This particular Thursday, we were meeting at the Beaverton City Library.  The meeting was winding down and I took a quick potty break.  So I was in the stall, leaning over the toilet, when my eyeglasses fell off and into the toilet at the exact same time I pushed the handle.  These particular toilets are the high powered ones with the super fast floooosh.  My glasses were gone before I could even react.

As I recall, I stood there a second, and then shouted, “Awww, FUCK!”" Not something I normally do in a public bathroom, but hey, it was kind of a knee-jerk reaction anyway.  That’s okay.  I think the circumstances warranted it.

Apparently I wasn’t alone, though, and my loud profanity was attention-getting, to say the least.  A woman out in the sink area (I was still in the stall at this point), sounded rather tentative when she asked, “Um, is everything okay?”  I don’t blame her for sounding tentative.  I mean, you probably would, too, if you heard some random woman in the handicap stall cursing at the top of her lungs.  It’s a weird thing to do in a public bathroom, let alone a LIBRARY.

So I opened the stall door, all dejected and explained to her that I just flushed my eyeglasses down the toilet. She was taken by surprise by that.  I think she was trying to suppress a giggle.  I’m not sure.  She suggested I tell the librarian.

I went back to my writing friends in the meeting room, explained to them what’s was going on, and after lots of friendly ribbing, got some paper and made some OUT OF ORDER signs.  I didn’t want anybody else to use that toilet and flush the glasses farther, just in case they were stuck in the s-curve portion of the toilet.  Then I went to the librarian.

I tell the librarian I was in the handicap stall and I accidentally flushed my glasses down the toilet.
She blinked a few times. “Um.  Well, I’ve been trained to respond to different emergencies and all kinds of questions, but for that…”  long pause….”I’ve got nothin’!”

She gave me some tape for my signs and after a short little discussion, I gave her my address and phone number just in case the plumber (whenever he finally does go out there, if he hasn’t gone already) is able to retrieve my glasses.  She was pretty nice about it all.

It’s been a couple of weeks now, and still no phone calls about the glasses.  I don’t think I’m getting them back.  The question is, if they ever do retrieve them, do I really want them back?

*This is a re-post from my old Walknroll blog, dated Jan. 28, 2011.*

UPDATE:  I returned to the library a month or so ago, and the librarian recognized me right away.  I suspect that when you talk with a person who accidentally flooshed their eyeglasses down the toilet, the unlucky sap's image is forever imprinted on your brain.  It was for her, anyway.  She said, "Oh!  We never did manage to get your glasses back.  The plumber said they were long gone.  Probably somewhere in the sewer system, now." 

I suppose it's just as well.  My glasses were always trying to escape me, anyway, as I was constantly looking for them.  Now I bet they're like, "FREEDOM!  Whooo!  Damn, it stinks in here..."


  1. I just came across you site by doing a search for "flushed my glasses down the toilet". It no longer surprises me that the weird stuff I google comes up with lots of hits, and it makes me feel a wee bit better knowing I'm not the only one that weird stuff happens to, it doesn't help me get the glasses out of the toilet. A hanger didn't work, my hand is too big to reach in (and, "ick!"), and my budget will be sunk by hiring a plumber. Gotta figure something out and soon!

  2. Isn't Google grand, though? I am continually amazed by the stuff I learn by googling random things.

    As for the eyeglasses...I thought for sure I would be the only person who had had this misfortune. You have my sympathies. Sorry to say it, but I doubt that your glasses are retrievable. Like the librarian told me, they are probably well on their way to the sewer system. Unless your toilet has an unusually small S curve (or your glasses are unusually large)--then you'll know that it's plugging up the works because it won't be long before your toilet starts overflowing from use.

    As new glasses can be far less expensive than hiring a plumber, I suggest that option. Just look around for the specials.

    Whatever you do, good luck! And now I don't feel so bad, because I know somewhere out there, someone else has had a similar experience. :)