Friday, July 15, 2011

Fitness Struggles

Like many people, I struggle with my weight.  For me, it has been a lifelong battle.  As an overweight kid, I became an overweight adult.  Since I was a teenager, I have always weighed over 200 pounds, except for two separate occasions where I managed to lose a lot of weigh and keep it off for a couple of years each time.  Six years ago, I breached the 300 pound mark, became alarmed, and started walking.  Because of my efforts over the next few years, I managed to drop down about 40 lbs from my highest mark.  November of 2009 saw me as the most fit and the skinniest I had been in probably twelve years.  It was awesome!  I had so much energy and bounce and could do so many things that I wasn't able to do at my heaviest.

Two months later, I found out Micah was going to have to go on dialysis and I fell apart.  I started actively cramming my face, and in the year following that I fell into a horrible depression.  I knew eating was a support mechanism, I knew all that eating was bad for me, I knew I needed to stop.  But I couldn't.  I honestly didn't care because I was just too freaked out about everything to care about myself. 

And so we get to where I am today.  I have lost all of the fitness gains I had made, plus put on 20+ pounds over my former heaviest weight, for a grand total of 60 pounds gained in about 18 months time.  It's shocking.  My body is really really complaining to me right now.  I have no stamina, no ability to walk or stand for very long at all, my strength is gone, etc.  I feel...gross.

I have a gym membership that is set to expire in a couple of months.  In the past, to get in shape and lose weight I walked.  I can't do that as I am right now. It's too painful.  So I'm going to take advantage of what little time I have left on my membership and swim like the dickens.  Hopefully in the next month or two I'll get to a fitness level that I can start walking again.

I also signed up for a half-marathon training thing that starts next month and the half marathon is in December.  This is doable as long as I work hard at it.  I know before that I went from walking only 10 minutes at a time (when I was previously at my worst) to being able to do a half marathon in about 4 months.  But this will ONLY be possible if I stick to my swimming over the next month. 

I signed up for the half marathon because I'm thinking that will help keep me accountable to my goals.  As bad as I feel right now, it is super easy to get discouraged and I can use all the support I can get.

3 comments:

  1. You can do it!

    I need to lose a few pounds myself *sigh*. For different reasons but the fact that I need to lose some weight is still very real.

    Maybe we could trade recipes or something? Encourage each other? I don't know. It's hard to lose weight here because the b/f is a chef and LOVES to cook, lol.

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  2. I know how that is! Micah likes to cook, too. And he tends to drown things in fat. It's all very tasty, but probably not the best for me.

    I'll contact you privately about the support thing. That's a great idea!

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  3. You can do it, Holly! You have an awesome spirit!

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