Like many people, I struggle with my weight. For me, it has been a lifelong battle. As an overweight kid, I became an overweight adult. Since I was a teenager, I have always weighed over 200 pounds, except for two separate occasions where I managed to lose a lot of weigh and keep it off for a couple of years each time. Six years ago, I breached the 300 pound mark, became alarmed, and started walking. Because of my efforts over the next few years, I managed to drop down about 40 lbs from my highest mark. November of 2009 saw me as the most fit and the skinniest I had been in probably twelve years. It was awesome! I had so much energy and bounce and could do so many things that I wasn't able to do at my heaviest.
Two months later, I found out Micah was going to have to go on dialysis and I fell apart. I started actively cramming my face, and in the year following that I fell into a horrible depression. I knew eating was a support mechanism, I knew all that eating was bad for me, I knew I needed to stop. But I couldn't. I honestly didn't care because I was just too freaked out about everything to care about myself.
And so we get to where I am today. I have lost all of the fitness gains I had made, plus put on 20+ pounds over my former heaviest weight, for a grand total of 60 pounds gained in about 18 months time. It's shocking. My body is really really complaining to me right now. I have no stamina, no ability to walk or stand for very long at all, my strength is gone, etc. I feel...gross.
I have a gym membership that is set to expire in a couple of months. In the past, to get in shape and lose weight I walked. I can't do that as I am right now. It's too painful. So I'm going to take advantage of what little time I have left on my membership and swim like the dickens. Hopefully in the next month or two I'll get to a fitness level that I can start walking again.
I also signed up for a half-marathon training thing that starts next month and the half marathon is in December. This is doable as long as I work hard at it. I know before that I went from walking only 10 minutes at a time (when I was previously at my worst) to being able to do a half marathon in about 4 months. But this will ONLY be possible if I stick to my swimming over the next month.
I signed up for the half marathon because I'm thinking that will help keep me accountable to my goals. As bad as I feel right now, it is super easy to get discouraged and I can use all the support I can get.